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What Do People Really Want in Romantic Partners?by guest author, Aaron Agostini It’s been considered pretty well established that men and women are looking for different things in romantic partners. Women, we’re told, are looking for the man who is very successful, and men are looking for women who are physically attractive. That’s even what people say that they want when they talk to psychologists. But what if there’s more to it? A new study out by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel sheds some new light on what else might be at work when it comes to relationships. Their results are surprising, showing us that we might not know ourselves as well as we think, let alone how well we might know everyone else. The researchers used the current gold mine for psychologists who are studying how men and women connect romantically: speed-dating. Speed-dating gives researchers something that surveys can’t, because speed-dating has real-world consequences. This means psychologists get to see what people would actually do instead of just what they say they would do. What we would expect to see, based on our assumptions, is that women would be most interested in how successful their speed-date mates are, and that men are focused primarily on looks, and the each would “click” the best with someone who had these traits. The researchers recruited undergrads from their school to take place in their speed-dating study. They started by asking the students what they were looking for in a mate. They found, as expected, women rated potential future earnings the highest, and men physical attractiveness. Then they set up the speed-dating. They provided the non-alcoholic drinks, the mood lighting, and let the magic happen! What they were looking for was how attractive, potentially successful, and most importantly, how personable they found their speed-dating partners. If everything matched with what students said about themselves, women would say that men who were had the highest potential were the most personable, and men would find women the most attractive to be the most personable. This is not what the students ended up saying at all! Women and men both ended up finding physical attractiveness to be somewhat important, but it was less important for men then they said it would be. Earning potential didn’t turn out to be important at all for either women or men. What was more surprising was that no factor that students said were important ended up being factors in the speed-dates that they liked the most. Physical attractiveness didn’t always determine if the person’s date was considered personable, or if they said there was romantic chemistry. The researchers’ recommendations for further research are probably useful to keep in mind, which basically boils down to recognizing that there’s a lot more to romance than meets the eye. Often people hold how they look against themselves, figuring all that there are too many people out there who look better than them. They might even ask people about what they’re looking for in a partner, and hear all about what it is they find physically attractive. In reality, though, physical attractiveness is one of many different factors, even though people aren’t aware of that. We’re all looking for someone who we find personable, and feel chemistry with when we’re around them. And whether it’s good news or bad news, that’s a lot more complicated than finding someone who just looks good, in person or on paper. Eastwick P. & Finkel, E. (2008). Sex difference in mate preferences revisited: do people know what they initially desire in romantic partner? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94(2), 245-264. 
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April Braswell, Relationship Coach Par Excellence! I had been stuck in a relationship that was going nowhere with a man who did not love me and who did not make me happy.... April gave me the confidence to HOPE that there was someone out there who would love me and accept me for who I was. She held my hand thoughout the whole the experience, or I would never gone online....I was too skittish about the whole deal. In fact, I told her, "April, I have already met all the single men in the Metro area in my age agroup. There's no one out there for me that I am interested in! But April's warmth, encouragement, and compassion challenged me to venture online. I did and enjoyed a number of good results. I had some good dates. This was good. But still...I had not met THE one. Then she encouraged me to try another service...and within several weeks...I met Marc. We're in love. April coached me me even through the rough spots of the the developing relationship...I don't know how I would have done it without her! She is a shoulder to cry on when you need that, and a kick in the butt when you need that, too. Marc and I are moving in together and plan to marry. April, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU......I love you!!! Sonya Lenzo, www.sonyamlenzo.com
April Braswell - Romance Coach and Online Dating Coach
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TESTIMONIALS FOR APRIL BRASWELL:
Kevin Hogan, PhD, Reading Body Language Expert , Motivational Speaker, Influence, Persuasion, Sales Training, and author of best sellers, The Psychology of Persuasion and most recently, The Secret Language of Business: How to Read Anyone in 3 Seconds or Less.
Dave Lakhani, author of Persuasion:The Art of Getting What You Want.
Read April's Easy Dating Tips Blog
April is definitely the expert to go to for any one that wants to understand the nuances of dating and relationships. She is a great coach and genuinely cares about those she works with and will gently challenge you to do the things necessary for finding the happiness and love we all deserve in life. If you really want to get yourself out there and begin dating, contact April NOW!
Judy Monroe
www.ConsistentMarketinginc.com
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Clinical Hypnotherapist, London,UK
www.David-Power.com
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Executive Director
www.bridgebetween.org
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www.SabrinaPeterson.com
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She is my ego booster!
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Willa Potgieter-Huang
www.hope.za.org
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www.wakingtrance.com
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www.SonyaMLenzo.com
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Wardrobe Planning Expert and Image and Style Consultant
www.JenniferSkinnerOnline.
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Steve Chambers
www.SteveChambers.com
April is very detail oriented and she listens and really tries to understand all aspects of a situation before dispensing her SOLID advice. Since most (all?) situations are more complicated than they first appear, this is a great skill to have!
Rob Northrup
www.CorporateVeilPro.com
Ben Mack and April Braswell together at Kevin Hogan's Influence Boot Camp 2008 in the LUXOR, Las Vegas, NV. "You're BRILLIANT! It's true," Ben Mack said about April Braswell. Dr. Ben Mack is author of Think Two Products Ahead.
April is one of the most energetic and outgoing people I know, and has a great knack for social networking. You just can't go wrong working with her!
Roland Michelli
www.PdNFull.com
Charm coupled with a sharp intellect and authentic confidence. April is a most fascinating person to know and to learn from.
Gail Hurt, Austin, TX
President of Living Authentically
www.LivingAuthentic
April is a romance coach. Her Online Strategies are spot-on in helping single people meet other and ultimately get married. She's a great speaker: good ideas, funny, and tiny bit risque. Super combination.
Bob Isaacson
President Full Circle Communications
www.FullCircleSolutions.net
April, Great information. I love your presence and sense of humor. I have not laughed so much in years. You are a great speaker, confident, at ease. Thank you.
Michael Roth
www.DrMichaelRoth.com
April is wonderful, motivated and goal oriented woman.
Paul Yolland
April has a passion for all that she does and all she believes in. She has excellent networking skills and works dilligently towards her goals and towards helping others to work toward theirs!
Aleta Batz
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