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Communication Skills in Dating

Taking That First Date from Dreadful to Delightful

by David J. Parnell

David J. Parnell is a communications and sales expert in the New York Tri-State area.Here he provides his communication skills in the personal relationship sphere for singles courting, especially on that all-important first date.

Dating.  That First Date.

What's the worst part about dating? 

If you're like most single people it's usually rooted in your communication skills or more precisely, the lack thereof. 

Just the thought of those long awkward pauses on the first date hits you in the stomach with a ball of worry like it was shot from a cannon.  And who hasn't been there?  Even the best of us have found ourselves tongue-tied and unable to communicate at one time or another, whether it was on a first date, or somewhere else.  Now just addressing that it exists and agreeing that we all experience this at some point offers little comfort.

So what were going to do here today is give you a practical lesson and exercise for you to work on that is going to untie your tongue like Houdini escaping from a poorly tied shoelace.  Now unless you've studied communication or semantics in particular you're probably not consciously aware that when human beings speak with one another they represent subjects or objects at a particular level of abstraction. 

Now, you may be asking what the heck a “level of abstraction” is.  The abstraction level is basically the specificity with which you are communicating about the subjects or objects of your conversation.  The spectrum of specificity goes from global or obtuse to finite or acute.  Let me give you an example, the universe would be considered obtuse.  The world is a little less obtuse, the continent of North America is a little less, then America, then a state, then a city, etc. I think you get the gist of what I'm talking about.

 

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Communication Skills Ideas for a First Date

Okay so how is this going to help you while you're squirming over your drink?  Well with what I'm about to teach you, you will be able to take what ever it is that your date is talking about and USE this to create conversation.  With a little practice you will be able to instantly jump around the levels of abstraction that surround your date’s subject matter and as result never be lost for words again.  Levels of abstraction can either go up, down or sideways and you can easily figure this out with the three questions below.  Let's use a chair for an example...  Ask yourself one of the three following questions in order to go up, down or sideways abstractly:

 

1.  What is the chair an example of

2.  What are examples of a chair

3.  What else performs the same function

 

These three questions will move the level of abstraction in your mind up, down and sideways, respectively.  So what is the chair an example of?  Furniture.  You moved up one level and now you're able to talk about furniture.  What is furniture an example of?  Household comforts.  Now you've moved up another level of abstraction and you can talk about household comforts.  What else performs the function of providing household comforts?  Now you've moved laterally and can talk about other comfortable things in the home.  I think you get my drift… By following these three questions you can cognitively direct your minds to come up with unlimited topics of discussion. 

 

*Though this may be an article for another time, I must highlight the term "discussion".  This means interaction… not dictatorship. Asking questions, receiving questions and getting and giving answers…  "Discussion" doesn't mean simply going from topic to topic, spilling out everything that you know about that particular topic.  Moving on...

 

So let's take an example... I'm a man so unfortunately for you women I'm going to take this from a male's perspective so please bear with me (I think the men probably need more help than the women anyway :-).  Let's say that you're sitting there talking to your date and she starts to talk to you about a great deal she just found on her sweater. Now whether or not you're interested in the sweater really doesn't matter. What does matter is that you're able to keep the flow of the conversation moving smoothly and without interruption so that she walks away from the date “sans” the uncomfortable pauses.  So let's work with the sweater as an example.

 

Ask yourself the question "what is the sweater in example of" and see what you come up with.  “Clothing, outerwear, fashion, uncontrolled spending, etc...” Right there you have a least three things (we might want to leave out uncontrolled spending) to ask questions about and engage her with. 

 

A follow up to her story may be "you seem pretty excited about the sweater, what do you like about fashion?"  Or "buying clothes is fun for you, isn't it?  How do you decide what to buy?"  And let the conversation flow from there.  When you feel like the conversation is starting to come to another wall, grab some more subject matter and change the level of abstraction again with one of the three questions above to start the whole process over again.  

 

Now this may seem a bit calculated, but the reality of the matter is that once you've done this a few times it is going to become automatic.  What will happen is that your conversational skills will increase exponentially and make you much more likable. You’ll be on your way to being a professional communicator and that's a good thing, isn't it?

 

As an exercise, take a half an hour, three times a week for two weeks and simply jot down any object or subject that comes to mind.  Whether it's a car or, or a plane, or a park, or what ever…Just pick something and then practice changing levels of abstraction with the three questions above to sharpen your mind.  This, just like any other skill can be quickly learned and implemented into your communication toolbox with just a little bit of practice. Happy conversing…

 

David Parnell, Communications Expert
David Parnell - Communication Expert

Whether you are a sales person, an business executive, or a stay at home mom, effective communication is paramount to your success, functionality and well being. For more information please visit me at www.davidjparnell.comto learn more.

How to get the EDGE in Communication and Attraction?

It's right here.... 

BODY LANGUAGE: Decoding, Interpreting & Mastering Non-Verbal Communication


Reading Body Language - Home Study Program

with body language expert Kevin Hogan

This is a Complete Home Study Course. (A portion of this course is interactive with your computer!)

The Advanced Home Study Course in Analyzing Nonverbal Communication!

When you discover the secrets of body language, you can be the one who:

  • Never gets lied to
  • Knows when they are attracted to you
  • Knows when they are uncomfortable
  • Is in control 100% of the time!

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Between 60% and 75% of all of your communication is nonverbal. Are you attracting or repelling people around you? Are you making every sale you could be? How are people reading you?

In the first four seconds people will make judgments about you:

  • I will or will not buy from this person.
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And now for the most amazing part of the course: 6 CDs and Video are INTERACTIVE with our secret website filled with photographs to analyze!

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The first two introductory CDs are geared toward helping you make an incredible impression in those first four seconds. This advanced portion of the home study course is all about the other person! Now you can discover whether they are lying or not. You can find out the cues of annoyance, covering hidden feelings, and whether they like you or not.

You are going to learn to read people in virtually an instant. Kevin will introduce you to what he does when The New York Post, First for Women, Cosmopolitan, Playboy, The Star, Maxim, Success, Selling Power and the rest of the media call!

Over the past two years we've collected over 100 pictures of celebrities that he has analyzed for the media. Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, Angelina Jolie, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Maria Shriver, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, The Sex and the City girls, Drew Barrymore, Kurt Russell, Goldie Hawn, Beyonce Knowles, Liz Hurley, Pamela Anderson, Stephen Spielberg, and dozens more.

As you progress through the course, you will become proficient at reading and analyzing body language! And of course, I'm giving you the keys to my password-protected secret website with over 100 photos of the stars ready to analyze!

This is a complete seminar in reading, decoding and interpreting body language from the source. Nothing is missing and YOU have access!

You will receive my complete analysis of EVERY PHOTOGRAPH on Six (6)additional Digital Audio CDs (8 total in this course!) Your Secret Password to the Secret Hidden Website for the Interactive Photo Gallery will come with your package.

 
 
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The Dating Doctor that rocks! Whether you are looking to connect with another human being on a deeper level or just need help in rejuvenating your current relationship, April is the spark that will ignite your passion, your self-confidence and a greater sense of sexual success. April's advice is invaluable especially when she employs her tried and tested dating on the job resulting in many individuals and couples experiencing long term happiness. Overall, April is a must see , who has given me excellent solid advice and a greater clarity in knowing how to enjoy my personal life more!


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Clinical Hypnotherapist, London,UK

 

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I just met April at a conference in Philly.  What a vivacious, self-assured, beautiful and incredible woman!!  It’s obvious how her energy and passion are part of everything in her life and that she can coach you in tapping into your own life force to show the world the beautiful person you are and attract the type of man you want.

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April Braswell - Singles Relationship  Coach

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April and I worked on an online dating profile for me. The price was amazing for the amount of real effort she put into her work. She way over delivered. She wrote the profile and also included an hours free coaching. April did not ask just enough questions to write a profile, she asked so many questions she got to know me and I mean really know me and what made me tick. She then wrote a profile I was so happy with. I recommend April and her work. - Mike J, AU 

 

 

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To apply to have April Braswell
review and craft your dating profile or for relationship dating coaching:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Copywriting Teaching Guru, David Garfinkel, Boomer Dating Expert, April Braswell, Kevin Hogan Influence Bootcamp, Las Vegas, Luxor,
Guru Copywriting Teacher, David Garfinkel and April Braswell in Las Vegas
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Millenial Mentor, African American Motivational Speaker, Al Duncan, Cougar Dating Expert, April Braswell, Kevin Hogan Influence Bootcamp, Las Vegas, LUXOR 
 
Al Duncan and April Braswell in Las Vegas
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Boomer Dating Expert, April Braswell, Sabrina Peterson, Luxor, Las Vegas,
Women's Fitness Expert, Sabrina Peterson and April Braswell in Las Vegas 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Baby Boomer Internet Dating Coach, April Braswell, Trisha Chambers, Luxor, Las Vegas 
The New Mrs. Chambers and April Braswell in Las Vegas 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Cougar Love Dating Expert, April Braswell, Greg Dougall, Newport Beach, Royal Thai
Cougar Dating Expert, April Braswell, lunches with Autism Documentary film maker, Greg Dougall, Newport Beach, CA

 

 

 

 

Dating Expert, April Braswell, with Bold Calling Sales Trainer, Steve Chambers, Mo's San Diego, CA
Baby Boomer Dating Expert, April Braswell, the Dating Coach of Women After 40+ with Corporate Sales Taining Bold Calling author, Steve Chamber, Mo's San Diego, CA